This page cannot be displayed

/403.shtml

The page you are looking for is currently unavailable. You are probably not clicking the links hard enough. Hitting the keyboard harder has now been proven to make the Internet work faster. In fact you may have got this error message because you did not press firmly enough. This is also the case with mouse buttons. New biofeedback functionality in XP and Vista ensures that those who hit hardest get the best response.


Please try the following:

  • Click the refresh.gif (82 bytes) Refresh button really really hard, or try again later.
  • If you typed the address in the Address bar, type it again but press each key much harder.
  • If response is slow, repeatedly clicking on the same button or link causes IP routers to give priority to your request.
  • Internet performance can be improved by issuing the verbal command 'Come on, come on' to your monitor. Sophisticated sound equipment in your PC will respond to many phrases, including some mild profanity.
  • Rapid side-to-side movement of your mouse, followed by four sharp raps on your desk is known to cause Windows to re-prioritise your Internet session and allocate more CPU cycles to hardware response functions.
  • If you are trying to reach a secure site, make sure you wiggle your network cable where it plugs into your PC.
  • Ifyou have a flat screen, don't forget to press the screen until itdistorts the image and leaves a grey 'flare' and a greasy fingerprint on the display.
  • With a CRT monitor, a winding motion with your hand to the side of the monitor increases yourPC's bus speed by 10%, as does knocking on the glass and calling out "Hello?".
  • If you continue to have problems, contact your company's Help Desk, your PC's manufacturer, or Microsoft Technical Support. They will ask for details of your configuration, the exact sequence of events leading to the problem, and the status of your software licenses. They will then consult their extensive knowledgebase systems and fault-finding dialogues before telling you to re-boot and try again


Cannot find page or keys not pressed hard enough
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